Thank you guys

Thank you for your concern, to probably the only two people whom reads my blog.

I had been the walking dead for the past week or so, can't bear to think, can't bear to feel.

Maybe something died in me, the night I read his reply to my email.

I dunno, it's too painful to start thinking, I dun wanna start.

I dun even wanna be left alone for a minute so silent thoughts can creep in.

It is harder to give him up willingly

Then it was if I was left with no choice

I wished he had left it to end in silence

Than him smsing me last night to say sorry

The problem I am facing now is no longer the issue that triggered off everything

It is the issues which emerged, opening my eyes to an otherwise blissful relationship

I dun deserve him

I had been selfish to keep him for seven years

All along knowing he deserves better

I had been selfish, wilful and wasted seven years of his youth, time, money, energy and effort

If I had any last shred of decency and conscience left in me,

If I had really loved him

The only last thing I could do for him now is to leave him for him to move on to better things

I know you would not agree with me

But you were not here to see, to hear and to feel.

It's over

Yes

I would appreciate if you dun call him to ask why and what happened.

Please dun ask me why what happened now too.

We are both still hurting so please dun ask me now.

Thanks.

I am really confused now

Can't help it.

25 years old is too old to not know what I really want

Yes I resent that but I can't help it

You whom have no time and energy left at the end of the day to even talk to me

Or even listen to me talk

Not to even mention meet up face to face

You whom wants me to stay home and make your daily phone calls the highlights of my day

Confined to the corridor

You whom cannot trust me still

Even a simple thing like doing my own research for my own career

You resort to interrogation and confrontational methods to ask a simple and redundant question like that

You dun trust me to do my own thing for myself

You accuse me wrongly when it is you whom had forgotten all that I had updated you

I start to realise that you were never listening when I talk

It had always been a one-way conversation

You dun have time for me

But you want me to stay home everyday

I am sorry

I can't swallow that

Random Rants - Ignore Me

I know I shouldn't

But I did

I know it's not right

But I did it anyway

I know you dun give a damn

That's why I hate myself for even bothering to care

I fucking hate you

I wish I am past caring

But I still can't manage it for now

*tears hair*

I'm going crazy and it's all your fault, you son of a bitch.

First Obligatory Post

Firstly, gotta thank a certain character, for driving lazy me to shift url and start a new blog all over again. I had been wanting to do that all these while for confidentiality issues but ... aye... the evils of procrastination.

Okie dokie! The First Obligatory Post!

Today is a red letter day for me and many others. It is Valentines' Day, but hey, it's not a red letter day for me in that sense lah. I mean my period came today and boy was that a big relief or what? It was late!

Okay, I digressed. I'm working full shift today because my partner's off. I'm falling asleep fast in front of the blinking computer screen, suffering from an immense hangover and I'm bleeding. And bored, of course.

I read blogs from all over, probably singles mostly, declaring their bitterness for this day.

If you ask me what I think, today is just another day whereby I can ask Julian for present. Like a 2nd birthday, you know? Heh.. I'm a practical girlfriend. I want an IPod nano.

Maybe festivities like this just tend to draw out the loneliness in the people whom are truely alone. Picture this: Everywhere you walk, every couple is extra loving, gifts and flowers, hugs and kisses, airborne heartshaped objects flutter everywhere. Every corner you turn into, couples, couples, more couples! God damn it! Why can't they just stay at home and screw, you wonder.

Maybe it's really just so commercialised after all, or maybe we'd been together for so many donkey years and this officially appointed day of the year for men and women in love, is just losing it's significance (if any to begin with) for me.

I can't really remember what an intitial bud of love felt like. Was it a rush of adrenaline? Fluttering of hearts? Pitter patter pit? Anxiety? Anticipation? Longing? I forgot.

When the inflated passion is punctured, what's left of it might just be good old love, adoration and companionship.

I need to inject some new life in my relationship, maybe the excitement of marriage? Hehe... I hear the siren go off.

I'm fucking bored, ranting and raving.