Hi, sorry I did not pick up your calls nor reply your sms.
Most of the time, I was at some noisy pub so I did not hear the calls at all.
I wanted to return your calls but I did not want to talk about him.
I had been thinking alot these days...
Couldn't help wondering why
Why he gave up without a fight
Then I mustered up my courage to sms him, "How's life?"
He said, "So.. So.. Abit lost and boring. Realised I do not have many close friends"
We chatted on the phone abit.
Talked about normal things, he said he would return the TVB drama VCDs he borrowed from my neighbor
I asked him how he found the drama
He said it was great story plot, but the ending was a little disappointing, abit weak.
I said, yeah.. funny how hard they fought in the palace for years and then suddenly for something trivial, they just gave up everything without a fight.
He agreed with me.
Then I said, just like you.
I initiated the break and you gave up without a fight.
He tensed and paused for a long time before saying, yah, I dunno why.
I said, you are tired too, that's why.
He said, yah, maybe.... I really needed a break, for the two of us.
I did not tell him I do not believe in taking breaks.
I always knew that you are either in or out.
We ended with take cares.
In all truth, perhaps I still harboured a teeny weeny little hope that he would fight a little more to have me back.
There was still a curious little dark thought that perhaps we would be back after a few weeks or so.
After last night's conversation, I knew that my decision to initiate a break was a right one.
We did end amiacably.
Because I think he wanted one but he is like you,
He would never have initiated one.
Like you, he never deserts nor abandon.
But I want no man to love me out of responsibilities and obligations.
The basis for love was so very wrong to start with.
Last night was further revealation which was both hurting and conclusive
I can finally put the matter to rest.
It was mutual and it was amicable.
I like it this way.
Because we share so much in common after all these years
That he would be the bestest best friend I would never have again.
When are you getting wasted with me, lesbian partner?
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5 comments:
Sorry, finally checked out of that damned miserable hospital.
Well, looks like you're moving on ok. Hurts now and then but thats only human.
You wanted out, and it is quite ego bruising that he could let you go. That's all.
Coz when a woman wants out and if he tries harder to make you stay, you'd probably dispise him for being clingy and emotionally dependent anyway.
Coz if you do not really want out, you would not have lasted this long with both of you apart.
Its tough being a man, thats why I dig the idea of being lesbo.
At this point in time, I dunno what I want. I am suffering from a sympton call: over-analysation (I bet there's no such word)
I prob over-analysed the whole thing from beginning til now.
I dunno what I want now.
Too tired to think.
I am just gonna leave the ball in his court.
I think he did try at a reconcilation right? Asking you if you would forgive him?
He did leave the door open for compromise, for salvaging the relationship, for bringing this thing forward.
Question now is do you want it?
Or rather, how much do you really want it?
Honestly, if a woman is not so sure if I am who she wants, all bets are off for me.
Because if a woman is not so sure if she DOES NOT want me, there is the intention to find a better alternative.
And if a woman is not so sure if she DOES want me, there is this danger that the better alternative did not materialise and I will spend the rest of my life with the feeling that she SETTLED for me.
I have a phase for what you're going through, I call it analysis paralysis.
Aiya, matters of the heart no need to think so much one lah.
When your heart wants it, you know it one, trust me.
He wanted a reconcilation. But he was not ready to talk about it and resolve issues we were having.
To me, that would only mean, back to square one.
I am still waiting for the time he is ready to talk about it and resolve issues.
Not replying 'I dunnos' to all questions.
Well, if you guys love each other enough, you will compromise.
Must chum seong one lah
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